today..

I feel like writing down. every single thing. I'm not feeling very well actualy. maybe sick, maybe some lower fevers. I don't know. the other day, carolina was crying. something hurt her. something KEPT hurting her. While my aunt changed her diaper, I staied in the floor, holding her tiny hand. her fingers crawled around mine, the light in her face glew up. She was just happy. Just as it, in a sudden, Her face had a smile again. I remenbered the nights she spent at the hospital, with mum's hand holding her tiny one. The times she had to see needles, hospital food and people dressed in white. I so wish she didn't know anything about hospitals and emergency rooms. I truly though she'd never know. not this soon, not like this. When Someone decides we have to follow hope & faith, there's no options. we can't just turn back and ask "why" because we'll get no answer. sure I turned back a million times, sure I shouted many bad words at that someone, and sure my "why" did not go in vain. I'm sure someone, from up high can hear me. He can hear my prayers, my sould trying to find resting still trying to pray as much as I can. A little princess was once born healthy, too. in a far away land. But princesses can't last forever and hapiness is just a passing feeling. so our true, deep, beutiful, joyfull feeling, is gone too. long before we could even think of movie nights and bowlling games. gone, just like the butterflies who come and go so quickly. it vanished.

pray it will come soon please,
and as I don't know the reason why I posted this post,
I make myself believe it was "just because.."

night night bloggers.
I x