my heart is sinking. the words I use to write so easily are failing to come out. My mind is drifting away, through miles of aching and sorrow. my oh-so-sweet life is drowning. I don't know where or who to turn to. I don't know what to expect of the next so frustating minute. and it feels like my whole day is planed around waiting for the next day, never really living the present. I want to be sure that she will come back. I want someone to guarentee me that the waiting is worth it. I want to know so many things and I fail to know it all. I've been living in this world for fifteen years and 3 months today. Yes, I do count my time on earth. If the clock stopped ticking for me right now, I would not be surprise. In fact, I guess death will not surprise me anymore. I don't take for granted those I meet everyday, the laughs I hear every moment. I do know that they can dissapear forever. My oh-so-happy life vanished just like that as well.
Today, I do miss her. I think about her every now and then and a tear always wants to reach down my face. I think of how happy, how lovely and how enchanting it was to be able to be with her, to laugh with her, to be me. and her. just like that.
But that happy, lovely and enchanting time is over now. And God so wants me to see more of those feelings down here on earth. He gives me the sun everyday, so I can feel warm. He gives me the sky, so I can feel I'm free. He gives me clean air, so I can breathe in peace. But oh God, you forgot to give me strenght.
tonight, as I sit outside, I talk to the moon, little darling. she seems to understand. the way she shines brightly everytime I blink at her, I bet that's you. I know that's you.
