Today.

there was a time I use to dream. I sat and dreamed awake. I wondered about the colours in the sky. I marvelled in the air. I breathed slowly. I catched butterflies. I smiled. I was so happy.

There was a day. A few years ago. I woke up, I dreamt. I sat and dreamt awake. I wondered about the colours in that moorning sky, I marvelled the foggy air, I breathed slowly. I saw some butterflies, I caught them. I smiled from ear-to-ear. I was so happy.

Just hours after that, my world sinked. I knew and I knew and I knew. I knew she would never come back again. I felt it. I felt she would become an angel very soon. That somehow, her place wasn't here on earth. She closed her eyes and openned them no more. I knew she was almost gone. I cried. I though about all that time with her. It had been sincerely amazing and it was vanishing. Cancer was winning. It was obvious. Her mom held her hand and told her it would be just fine. to let go.

4 years and 8 months ago today, God called an angel.
I love you and I miss you, prescious.

We've found you.

Through the last couple of years, we searched for a child. It was not because my mother couldn't have biological children but because we wanted to help someone else. We wanted to become a foster family. We've realized it is difficult, even more difficult if the child is young. Just the other day, we've found her.

there she was. sitting with crossed legs. face hiding in their hands. her whole body sinking.

'Hi' my mother said.
She looked up but said nothing.
'If you don't talk I can't help you'.
'My name's Leonor' the girl eventually pronounced.
'So why are you here, Leonor?'
'Nobody likes me'
'Why do you say that, Why don't you go home?'
'Because it's true, and I don't have a home'
'Where you do live, then?'
'In the college to where all unliked girls go to'
'I am sure somebody loves you. Your mom?'
'My mom dumped me there. She has only visited twice in seven years'
'Oh. Your dad?'
'My dad use to hit me and left me with no food for days. They took me away from him'
My mother started to realized the life Leonor was leading was no easy thing.

'But hey, you can't stay here forever. Why don't you go back to the college?'
'I only have two girlfriends there. They got mad at me because Of a boy. I can't help it. He likes me and I can't do anything about it'
Mom agreed with her head.
'You'll have to have lunch, take this' Mom gave some money.
The girl smiled and promissed she'd be back to tell her what she wanted to do.
When my mother came back from lunch, the girl was waiting in the same place.

'So, Leonor, Have you though about what you wanted to do?'
'No, sur. I just don't know. It's like I'm lost'
'I can drive you to your colege'
'Would you do that for me?' her eyes light up.
'Yes, of course.'
'I loved talking to you, You're really someone helpful' she said.
Mom was proud of herself, in some way.

She took her in, and said Goodbye. The Girl smiled and thanked her.
When she was already going out, Leonor came running at her, hugged her and whispered 'thank you so much' . Mom was touched. She gave her the phone number if the Girl needed anything.

The next day, she appeared on my mother's work. With a friend. She said she was there to thank my mother. She too said, that there would be a party saturday in the college for parents and friends of the pupils. She looked down.

'I don't have caring parents. I don't have friends who like me. You're the only caring person that I've found. Could you come?'
Mom couldn't say no. She called the director of the school but she already had a non answered phone call from him. He told her it was great if she could come, that she had made Leonor much happier then before.

So at 2PM, saturday - mom will go to visit her, as being her friend, as being someone she loves.

This is just to tell everyone that sometimes, you try so much to help the others around when there are people right before your eyes that need your help more than ever.

May the angels proctect you.
I x

I forgot.

"Mourning is not forgetting, It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied, and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust" ~ Margery Allingham

In the midst of the summer, in the rush of hot new days, I clearly forgot something. I still don't know exactly how but yes I did, and I feel ashamed. Nobody told me that along with missing, griefing and mourning, there was forgetting. I still remember her voice and her loud laughs and her face. I still can smell her fragance if I close my eyes. But I can't feel her touch anymore. I forgot how it felt like. I forgot what it was like to be touched by herself. I simply disire not to. Time will keep on coming and I'm scared. I fear I'll forget how her voice sounded, how she'd smile in the moornings at the school's big door. I fear and I fear and I fear. And I don't know what to do not to forget.

Today is just not one happy happy day.

I x