today, though, I just miss the giggle.

In the 4 past years, I've learnt a lot, myself. Maybe even more than what I've learnt along many life lessons, untill the age of 11. I learnt how to ride a bycicle, I learnt how to say "Mummy" and "daddy" and I even learnt how to writte my whole name in the first years of my life. Followed by pink, sunny and hot days. a child who loved ice creams in late afternoons, and building castles in the sand. a little Girl who always saw the sky as a big blue field, which was never, a place where someone could be. I miss those times, I miss being a little child. I miss being on mummy's lap, and I miss sleeping with daddy. It's not always fun to grow up and have all this responsabilities. If, 4 years ago, you'd ask me if I think I'd be happy again, I would very much doubt. Now I know it's not true. After loosing my bestfriend, I had many options to follow, one was, of course, the easiest. Just let it go and live my life in the darckness of this missing days. I choiced the hardest and I know I'll not regret. I choiced to love, follow, and be guided by God. It's not because I am a very religious person but because I have put all my faith and hope in him. She is gone for a reason, and only God knows it. It is still sad, to leave January.
January is always that month of loose, of mourning and grivieng, but today I just miss the missing, and with it, I miss January. I miss all those beutiful tributes people send to me, and I miss the January of 2006; while we still had her. the first days of January, were, of course, filled with Love. more than the usual. we loved her more, we cuddled her more, we told her more times how much she means to us, and trying not to accept the way that January would mark our lifes, we lived each moment trying to say Goodbye. Just trying, not doing.

we tried to tell her what was happening, but she was clever enough to understand it. she was just way too sick, and to ill to keep on going, I decided I couldn't be selfish, I just had to let her go. I miss January, I miss her, and today, though, I just miss the giggles bettwen our girly chats..

you're my angel, Marta.

I x