It's been a painfull, heartbreacking and sad time of my life. I just miss her. I just want to hold her hand and tell her it's ok, that we're together. I just want our secret talks back, and all our hugs and all our laughs. It makes me cry, really, to know this easter is just one terrifying time who will be repeated every year, troughout my life. I've always loved special days, but loving that now it's impossible. The pain seems to grow stronger by the minute, by just thinking she's not here anymore. I think of that every single day, but this special days are harder. I still remenber her everyday of my life and I still try to recover every memory we both have but it's not the same and it will never be. For her, I want to grow stronger. For her, I want to help other children in the same situation and for her, I want my heart to be changed and be able to help other troughout my grief. It's true that I'll always miss her and long for her, along this way but if missing Marta feels like this, and I can't avoid, I want to take a positive part of it, even though it's hard to say there's a "positive" part. I can help others and show others how to be brave, even though I'm not the best example of braveness. And I miss her and want her back, and somehow I still feel she's nearby sometimes. I don't want to loose the memories I still have of her, of her wondurful bittersweet voice and of all the smiles we shared. I don't want her soul to leave this world, her body had phisically left in 2006 but I'm sure she's still here, somehow. Watching me, helping me breath. I know and believe so. So, darling, whenever you want...
Ready.
Set.
But please don't go.
I x
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